Noodles

Disclaimer. I wrote this a week ago, and I am only just now posting... Some things have changed I have a whole lotta joy and peace. It could have something to do with the fact of the matter that I just had a week long vaca with the best friends in San Diego.That I was just silly and able to laugh a lot. But also, through a very important life long mentor and friend of mine God spoke some sweet and peace filling words to me. So the following may be the peak of some frazzled emotions. You've been warned. Disclaimer over. Hopeful, Scared, Nervous, Worried, Relaxed, Annoyed, Exhausted, Excited, Frustrated, Encouraged, Angry, Happy, Peaceful, Freaking Out, Stuck, Exhilarated, Alive, Loved, Confused. I hugged my sister Hannah good bye tonight. I will see her again in a week. But I cried anyway. She's the nicest person I know. I never don't enjoy being with her. She's refreshing. She doesn't say mean things. Not even in a sarcastic or joking way. (Which most people do. I'm not saying it's bad, I even do it, maybe it is bad... anyways sometimes it gets to you. That's why she's like a breath of fresh air. She doesn't ever intentionally try to make you feel inadequate.) I'm going to California to visit Mary dearest. I leave Monday. I'm pretty excited! I like to travel. It makes me feel excited, invigorated, nervous and free. Everyone has an idea of what you should do. It makes for some complicated emotions. It's hard to figure out what you want to do. Much less what 20 other people want you to do. I once heard some one say "I'm so thankful that I'm not in my 20's anymore, they sucked!" My first thought "Well geez thanks for the encouragement!" My second thought. "Hey at least someone understands. Maybe this is even normal if other people have felt this way." I watched a video of a beautiful girl with a beautiful story of God's grace. She had a huge smile. She was vibrant with life. She has a blog. She lives in a different country. She works with a missions group. And she writes posts with quotes from Narnia. I have a favorite. It goes like this. Lucy- "Is He safe?" Mr. Beaver. "Safe? Who said anything about safe? Of course He isn't safe. But He is good." I call this part of my life "The time of drifting.(Drifting here and there and wherever life takes me.)" I actually just think all that in my head. I don't actually say it out loud.I am currently reading a book called "Through Painted Deserts" By Donald Miller. I'm not even half way through this book but I am really loving it. The following are a few parts that stirred me. This first part was just a piece of the introduction. I think if the introduction moves you enough that you blog it then probably it's a good book. "And so my prayer is that your story will involve some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves,about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements. The setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it? It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out. I want to repeat one word for you. Leave. Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed." "Every body has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons." I thought this part was amusing. "It's interesting how you sometimes have to leave home before you can ask difficult questions, how the questions never come up in the room you grew up in, in the town in which you were born. It's funny how you can't ask difficult questions in a familiar place,how you have to stand back a few feet and see things in a new way before you realize nothing that is happening to you is normal. The trouble with you and me is we are used to what is happening to us. We grew into our lives like a kernel beneath the earth, never able to process the enigma of our composition. Think about this for a moment: if you weren't a baby and you came to earth as a human with a fully developed brain and had the full weight of molecular experience occur to you at once, you would hardly have the capacity to respond in any cognitive way to your experience. But because we were born as babies and had to be taught to speak and to pee in a toilet, we think all of this is normal. It is all rather odd isn't it, our eyes in our heads, our hands with five fingers, the capacity to understand beauty, to feel love, to feel pain." I'm a small town girl. Born and raised and lived for 20 years. Right here. I've done some good state traveling though. 26 of 50 down! Looking forward to hitting the next 24. Looking forward to finding incredible places, finding new things. Learning how to react and understand life out side my comfort zone. Learning how to interact with lots of new people, situations, ideas. The same friend as mentioned at the beginning of this post. Explained to me how men are like waffles and woman are like noodles. Men compartmentalize things in their minds and think about something and just that something. Woman are like noodles in that their thoughts all interconnect and twist and turn and almost give you a headache. I can think of probably 52 thoughts ideas, conversations, things I have to do, what someone said, why they said it, what were they feeling and what I was wearing all within about 2 minutes. I feel that this blog post was quite a noodling experience for you. I hope you don't have a head ache. In closing I will leave you with this quote. "It's all fun and games till your jeans don't fit anymore."

Belonging. What's in a name?

Today is a cold day.

A cold, rainy, winter day. At least what the south would consider winter. Apparently This is mild cold here in ND. But I'm kickin town next Friday and not planning on feeling what real winter is like in ND. This is the kind of day you want to wear a warm sweater put some socks on and cuddle in a blanket with some hot chocolate. That's what I'm doing right now. This is my last Saturday here until I return to those to whom I belong. I was thinking about that today."Belonging" It's really nice to belong. There is something quite lovely and special about belonging to someone. When someone says "My daughter, my sister, my best friend, my niece, my granddaughter, my cousin, my sister-in-law, My LK(as Aunt Vanessa calls me)" There are some names I have not been called. Although I imagine they are quite special to be called as well. Like "My Aunt, my wife, my lover, my mom, my grandmother." God refers to me as "My child, my daughter,my friend, my beloved." I am immensely happy that I belong to Him! And I am immensely happy he gave me people to belong to! P.S.

A Memory In A Bottle

Sometimes I think about what is happening around me and I wish I could capture it in a memory bottle. I guess it's not just the memory we want. It's the way we felt at the time. The happiness, laugh, look, smell,sound, feeling,beauty that came with that moment. What if we could put a memory in a bottle. You could close your eyes open the cap and for a few sweet moments be enveloped in that memory. Feelings, thoughts, smells and all. Then whenever you miss someone or some experience with them, you could just open a memory bottle and it might soothe your heart for a while. I would have a collection of memories. Like when Mary and I lived together we would both get home from work and both crash on my bed sometimes we would talk. Sometimes we would laugh. Sometimes we would eat chocolate and sometimes we would just sit there together.Or the last night I was with Mary before moving to ND. My family had all ready gone to bed. Mary and I drove to their house anyway. We walked out to the trampoline and slept under the stars.(And were also terrified by the raccoon or whatever it was!) And the time when I went to pick up Ivan's "friend" at the bus station only to find that Ivan's "friend" was my Mary! Right here in North Dakota!

Then there are the times when I would get off work in SC, come out to my car and find sticky notes with sweet messages on my window from Rebeca. And times when we would be in Zumba class "trying to dance" while making faces at each other and laughing.

And add in there the time when we hadn't seen each other in 2 months she came to visit me in ND. We took a hike in Yellowstone. As we walked down Mt. Washburn hand in hand we had a much needed heart to heart catch up conversation.

Or the time when John David and Liz got married. Once they were pronounced husband and wife and after the recessional all of us(Her siblings,his siblings and them) walked down to the most beautiful spot and we were all together with our oldest siblings married. I can't explain it. All I can tell you was it was sweet. It was special. I felt blessed and I wanted to keep the moment forever in my heart.

There was the time I called my Mom on the phone and we both ended up having a 10 minute laughing session where we couldn't breathe or form words over nothing all that funny. It was just the more one laughed the other would too. Or the time I walked down the side of a mountain in the Bear Tooth mountains. And just stood and beheld the majesty and beauty of what was around me and He who created it.

There would be the time when Joy, Mrs. Patty and I made pumpkin chocolate chip muffins in the Pisgah kitchen together. I accidentally put twice as much pumpkin as was called for in the batter. I was scolded and then was teased. There are hundreds more. I'm sure you have them too. Sometimes it's just that perfect feeling that you can't explain. But I've noticed something with memories, with time some of them tend to fade away. Sometimes when I think about my friend Joy who passed away. I catch my self replaying the same memories trying to cling on to all of it. All of her. I know I had lots of time spent with Joy, but I cant remember it all. I cant remember all the inside jokes. All the laughs shared. All the times she hugged me. To tell the truth, I hate that. I hate that I can't remember everything. Because that's all I will have left of her for my remainder on earth. Carrie wrote a blog post shortly after I was thinking about my memories of Joy. She said "Feelings are for feeling and memories are for making, and it’s okay that some of them fade away. I think it’s enough if we’re able to feel what we feel when we’re feeling it-- recognizing its form and beauty and transience-- then let it go and know that another feeling will come along. It’s enough if we live a moment with no strings attached-- trusting that the memory will be what it’s supposed to be and that the temporary nature of this moment is not a bad thing." Sometimes it's good to get another persons perspective. It's okay that some of the memories fade away. Just because I can't remember every little detail or memory doesn't mean that the details didn't create a bond between you and the person or persons who shared in the moment. It doesn't mean that my life wasn't impacted by that moment. So I will be thankful for the memories I do have. Thankful for the relationships even more. Feel nostalgia for things past but look hopefully towards the moments and feelings that I know are in the future. And most importantly I will be thankful for "now." I will make the most of "now" being content and thankful for this moment.

Wedding Hair!

On Late Night Outings, Swimming, Bonfires, Dishes, and More.

It's been a busy 2 weeks I must say. I'm working on getting my Cosmetology license here in North Dakota which Lord willing will be soon! Not that I dislike my FIVE GUYS job (which somehow has turned into one of our house jokes that I go out with FIVE GUYS regularly) but if you know me I'm not really the type who wears my hair in a bun with a hat, no earrings and t-shirts and if I try to wear make up end up having to cut the 50 pounds of onions which then leaves my face tear streaked. Not Peachy you guys. Not Peachy. So I am looking forward to when I can fix my hair, wear my jewelry and not cry every day over a bag of onions. Speaking of Work. I conquered one of my top 5 fears this weekend. I successfully learned how to operate the cash register!I had problems working with our cash register at my last job which made me quite nervous to work with another but I got it and that made me happy! :) On another note we (Carrie, Josiah, Ben, Luke, and I) went chasing the Aurora Borealis (The Northern Lights) the other night. We heard there was supposed to be a sighting. So we drove 30 Minutes North. We didn't see the Northern Lights because it was too cloudy. However we did see the northern lightning which was rather beautiful! The next night everybody was in rather high spirits so we had a dance party in the kitchen while eating KFC chicken and biscuits because as Josiah says "KFC takes good care of their employees who stay late and help close." After our dance party some of us were still in the mood to do something so we piled in the car and drove North again while listening to Garth Brooks. We just drove and drove and drove then pulled of to the side of the road in the middle of green fields and nothingness, except for some cows that I managed to start a stampede with. Ben was mistaken as a Moose by a passing Canada Border Patrol Man. He was nice. Then when we got home the police pulled up behind us because apparently you are supposed to use your blinkers when you drive! Oops! Well yolo! might as well make your late night adventures as exciting as they can be! Jordanna said the other day, "What I like about living with 14 people is you always have someone to do stuff with. You don't have to text and coordinate anything you just ask if any one wants to go do whatever with you and there is always someone to go!" I think we do have it lucky because Angela, Luke and I were talking to these two guys at the "Spicy Pie" who are up here in ND doing the same thing as us. Came for the good jobs and adventure but they were in awe of Luke. "How on earth did you get 13 friends to come to Minot. We go hang out at the Wal-Mart hoping to find someone to be our friend!" Then they said they wanted us to come out to the farm they live on to have a bon fire. I dont know if that will happen but if it does I'll let you know! :) Yesterday was Zac's birthday. He got home late from work. Josiah said "Well let me take you out for your birthday." Cause He is nice like that. They were going to run by Taco Bell. So a few more of us decided to go too. When we got to Taco Bell they were closed so we decided to run down to Wal- Mart to buy ice cream instead.

The boys were in one car and us girl were in the other. We came to a stop light and the boys decided that it was an opportune time to do a Chinese Fire Drill. They ran around the car twice and still had plenty of time before the light turned green. Last week Jordanna was invited by a co-worker at Panera to go to the pool. Angela and I went too. They have a big ol water slide! Angela and I like to go on it over and over again. She accidently got turned around and went back wards. That sounded like fun so I asked the life guard at the top if we were allowed to go back wards he said "Technically no, but if you accidentally get turned upside down, no one can help that.." I said, "I see, I see, accidentally, gotchya!" After we swam we went to tutti frutti for some frozen yogurt! Which was a nice way to end the pool excursion. We have a rule in this house "If you use a dish, you wash it." It doesn't really work, because dishes is a full time job in this house, but it helps a little. Also we voted on a name for our house. It is now called "The Box of Chocolates" because you never know what you are going to get. Some of the other options were Pina Colada, Safe Haven, Lucky Charms, The Beaker, and The Coed Barracks. This week Ariel, Ivan, and Jared went out of town. The house was very empty at night when we usually get together and have dinner. Jared got back last night and Ivan just got back today. Ariel will be back on Thursday. (I'm sure yall wanted to hear about our schedules.) Tonight Luke, Angela, Zac, Jared, Ben Ross, Jordanna and I watched the USA vs. Ghana soccer game. Luke was pretty excited about the USA win.

Earlier this week I decided to cut the grass with scissors... dont ask... I got most of the yard done with just a few strange looks from the neighbors and a lot of comments from my 13 house mates.

So this afternoon we sat in the yard still celebrating the win of the USA and I decided to finish cutting up the lawn.

Then our neighbor called over his fence, "Uh, yall can use my lawn mower!" So we did. Thank you neighbor. Then he invited us to his bon fire. I don't know if that bon fire will happen either but if it does, I'll let you know! :) Chow.

Things Of The Week.

Angela, Ben and I went grocery shopping. We decided Angela and I should not grocery shop together.... at least not late at night when everything is funny ... and definitely not in the fresh produce section. "Do we need this?" "Yes, put it in the cart!"

Angela and I were discussing our partner room arrangement and how we probably should have done it differently. Angela and I both tend to stay up late and Carrie and Jordanna go to bed at a reasonable hour. It probably would have made more sense for Angela and I to room together and Carrie and Jordanna to room together. But alas Carrie has to put up with my jumping on her bottom bunk so I can get on the top bunk while she is trying to sleep. Why do I jump on the bottom bunk to get on the top bunk you may ask. Because I don't have a ladder to get on, but no worries, Luke is working on that. Soon enough Carrie won't have to worry about me almost jumping on her head every night. In the mean time, (I'm Sorry Carrie.) I found cocaine in the rafters above my bed. I just thought it was laundry detergent in a little bag until the others told me otherwise and flushed it down the toilet. That incident put me on the "Wall of Documents" that certify that you were the first to do or have something happen to you in our "family." The mosquitoes here are MONSTERS! Some of us were almost put into the hospital because we were about to scratch our skin off. (Ok thats a little dramatic.) But it was bad! Until Ben bought us 4 cans of bug spray. And we got a citronella candle! I spray my self down with bug spray every day. I'm a happier person because of it. People keep telling me its poison but I just think "I would have died any way if I had to keep scratching 32+ bites a day!" Saturday was Lukes birthday. They decided to go sing karaoke at a bar. Apparently you MUST be 21 to enter a bar here! I asked the man if I could wear an under 21 bracelet. But he said No! Meh! So I went home and washed dishes with Ben. Yay us! (because he's not 21 either) Also the drain was clogged so he gave me a lesson on how to clean the totally gross mess out of the drain. Also the sink was leaking but Ben kept blaming me and saying I was making a mess slinging water. Then we found a leak! Thanks a lot Ben! Last night my soon to be sister-in-law posted a "Find Out Your Theme Song" quiz on facebook so a bunch of us sat around and played our theme songs for each other. Then we got bored of that and started coming up with theme songs for each other. I started working at 5 Guys Burgers and Fries! I can attest to the fact that it is all fresh deliciousness! I helped roll about 1000 hamburgers into patties! I know, thats Crazy! And we use that much in a day!!! I have trouble getting everyone to understand that my name is Laura Kaye. A double name. I guess cause they are not from the South. But they are getting the hang of it. They are doing pretty good! Today when Ben, Ivan and Abraham went to work their boss got a ton of free breads and pastries from some company that can't use them any more. He gave them to the boys. It was a ton of bread! We like it when we get free food! It helps keep the 14 of us fed around here! We also like it when people send us food in the mail! The Perrys sent cookies and cake and honey banana bread stuff to Luke and Angela and Ben. But if it belongs to one it kinda belongs to all! ;) Thats how our family works any way! So thank you Perrys! They play a lot of cards around here. Im pretty bad at cards, not that I don't like to play I just don't catch on very quick. So I try not to play too much. It makes me feel dumb. Today Luke planted tomatoes and peppers! Right now Carrie and Josiah are at a KFC meeting with the Big Bosses from Canada. I dont know what the meeting is for. Ariel pronounced (Ar-ee-ol) made meat loaf tonight. It was really good meat loaf. When it came out of the oven he told me that he had shaped one loaf like a fish and one loaf like a turtle. But you couldn't tell after it was cooked. The other day Josiah, Ben, Jordanna and I took a walk up to the Magic City Bridge. Its a short walk. It''s a beautiful view from up there.

At the bonfire, out in the sticks country backwoods, homegrown hicks.

I love my life!Or rather all the people in my life, which makes up my life... so yeah, I love me life! These are all my homies (well a lot of them)

I love that we all have known eachother forever, (and those that came into our lives later, it feels like we have known them forever too! They fit right in!) Ever since I can remember, we have been having bon fire nights at my parents house. Sometimes for birthdays, others for New Years or 4th of July, Or welcome home parties, going away parties, any parties and then sometimes just for fun, like last night! (Basically any excuse goes to have a bonfire and smores!)

Mom made potato soup and tace soup for dinner

Then we took it out to the field. Climbed sheds, trees and barrels... cause I guess thats what you do when you are "At the bonfire, out in the sticks country backwoods, homegrown hicks."

We played "the trash can game" you hold hands and pull eachother and try to make someone bump the trash can in the middle! Our little South Carolinian group here learned that game from our Biscoe, NC group of friends!

Roselyn and I watched them play this game. It's quite amusing to watch.

It finally got dark and the boys had fun playing with gasoline and fire... cause thats how they do.

Then some of us danced like hippies ( Mary, Savana, Rebeca) and others shaged (Josiah, Megan, Caroline, Me, Cameron) and some made smores around the bonfire. Matt brought his truck and speakers and blared music out in the field. Then we played some German Spotlight. Mary and Leah sat on the back porch and serenaded us while we ran around the field and house like crazies. I snuck out to one of the cars in the field with Sarah Jane to star gaze.

By the end of the night we all were full on food, laughs and smiles. Our feet were black, covered in dirt. And our inner country backwoods, homegrown hick hearts were satisfied with yet another bonfire out in the sticks night! :D

What I Ate Wednesday

You know that lofty goal I had 2 weeks ago? That "I'm going to lose 17 lbs by june" goal. hahaha-ha-haha I have eaten 5 Hamburgers in the past 6 days because for some reason I have had the most incredibly, strong, ridiculous, craving for them! It is scary!

I did my best to eat healthy over the past 2 weeks. Here is how I did.

Im addicted to Sweet Potato Fries!

Here was one delicious mistake! Cream cheese pecan pie and a mocha!

Cinnamon Apples! Yum! I mixed Coconut oil,oats, honey, vanilla, and cinnamon together poured it all over the apples and baked till the apples were soft! Delicious!

That Moment of Realization

There comes a time in a persons life when they realize they are an adult. It happens slowly at first little things. Then, "Woah did I just do that all by myself?" Then you do them with out even thinking about it. I think I'm somewhere in between because I still lean on my parents for a few things. i.e. They pay for my insurance. And when I make larger life decisions I ask them for permission first. Lots of times however It has hit me "I'm an adult because..." Here are some of those times it has happened to yours truly, in no particular order. 1. I go to the automotive repair shop all by myself tell the people what's wrong. Talk to them about it. Discuss prices. take it in to get fixed and pay for it out of my own pocket. 2. I plan trips with my friends and go without even consulting my parents first and they are fine with that. 3. I live in a house with my best friend and pay my own bills. 4. I grocery shop and prepare my own meals. 5. I have a job and pay my taxes. 6. I stay out late sometimes and don't have a curfew. 7. I am no longer told what I can and can't wear or what movies I can't see because I am now trusted as an adult to make that decision for myself. 8. I have to call and schedule my own appointments. 9. I got off my Dads cell phone plan and got my own. 10. When I wrote my first check last year. 12. When kids... or clients for that matter call me ma'am. What? I'm 20!11. I don't consult my Mom every time before I make plans anymore. 12. Those first few times I put gas in my car. 13. I text boys...sometimes... and I don't get in trouble for it. 14. I buy appetizers and sometimes dessert at restaurants because I take care of the bill now. These are some of the things that have made me realize I am a grown up now. Before I depended on my parents for all that stuff but slowly one thing by one I am learning to function and rely on my self to live. I'm thankful for my parents who support and encourage me to be independant.

What I Ate Wednesday

What I ate Wednesday is a collection of pictures from what I ate through the week. Im on a mission. My goal- lose 17 lbs by June 1st. My game plan- I wrote out a list of foods and meals for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. (The only way to accomplish this goal is to be prepared in advance. Also I think that by doing What I ate Wednesdays. I will be more motivated to show you my healthy food instead of having to show you my unhealthy food. ;) ) I wrote out a schedule for exercises I will do for each day of the week. I have decided to cut out all bread, pasta and sweets. So veggies fruits, yogurt, nuts and granola it is! Good thing I LOVE all that! (I eat meat when I can but I usually don't buy it. 1. because Im poor. 2. I cook for me and my room mate. She doesn't eat meat. So it's easier just to do with out. 3. The protein in meat at your regular grocery store is not good for you when you take a look at all the hormones and crap in it. So why bother eating it?) On Mondays I go to the "City Market" which has produce 50% off on Monday. Then I come home wash and cut up all the veggies. My kitchen looks like this.

I love to eat Chobani Lime Greek Yogurt for breakfast with granola! Actually Im addicted. I have tried some of the other flavors and brands but Chobani Lime Greek Yogurt is WHERE IT'S AT! Nothing beats it!

Dinner = This beautiful dish. Italian and Garlic salt seasoned Zucchini and Squash. With Spaghetti sauce on top and some Parmesan cheese! Delish!

Another night for dinner I made bean/corn salsa and ate it on a lettuce leaf with some taco sesoned refried beans. YUM!

For Lunch I take a container of cut up veggies and usually leftovers from dinner the night before.

These zucchini sticks are awesome and I love me some asparagus!

When I get hungry between meals I will eat an apple, banana, or whip out my veggie container. I usually try to eat my meals exactly 3 hours apart. That is just enough time to be hungry but not starving and it keeps me from over eating. I also drink water all day.... and have to pee all day... like right now. So thats an overview of my "What I Ate Wednesday" I figured if I dedicated one day to post my foodie pictures I wouldn't annoy everyone on my blog, insta, and facebook the rest of the week with food pics! :)