A Memory In A Bottle

Sometimes I think about what is happening around me and I wish I could capture it in a memory bottle. I guess it's not just the memory we want. It's the way we felt at the time. The happiness, laugh, look, smell,sound, feeling,beauty that came with that moment. What if we could put a memory in a bottle. You could close your eyes open the cap and for a few sweet moments be enveloped in that memory. Feelings, thoughts, smells and all. Then whenever you miss someone or some experience with them, you could just open a memory bottle and it might soothe your heart for a while. I would have a collection of memories. Like when Mary and I lived together we would both get home from work and both crash on my bed sometimes we would talk. Sometimes we would laugh. Sometimes we would eat chocolate and sometimes we would just sit there together.Or the last night I was with Mary before moving to ND. My family had all ready gone to bed. Mary and I drove to their house anyway. We walked out to the trampoline and slept under the stars.(And were also terrified by the raccoon or whatever it was!) And the time when I went to pick up Ivan's "friend" at the bus station only to find that Ivan's "friend" was my Mary! Right here in North Dakota!

Then there are the times when I would get off work in SC, come out to my car and find sticky notes with sweet messages on my window from Rebeca. And times when we would be in Zumba class "trying to dance" while making faces at each other and laughing.

And add in there the time when we hadn't seen each other in 2 months she came to visit me in ND. We took a hike in Yellowstone. As we walked down Mt. Washburn hand in hand we had a much needed heart to heart catch up conversation.

Or the time when John David and Liz got married. Once they were pronounced husband and wife and after the recessional all of us(Her siblings,his siblings and them) walked down to the most beautiful spot and we were all together with our oldest siblings married. I can't explain it. All I can tell you was it was sweet. It was special. I felt blessed and I wanted to keep the moment forever in my heart.

There was the time I called my Mom on the phone and we both ended up having a 10 minute laughing session where we couldn't breathe or form words over nothing all that funny. It was just the more one laughed the other would too. Or the time I walked down the side of a mountain in the Bear Tooth mountains. And just stood and beheld the majesty and beauty of what was around me and He who created it.

There would be the time when Joy, Mrs. Patty and I made pumpkin chocolate chip muffins in the Pisgah kitchen together. I accidentally put twice as much pumpkin as was called for in the batter. I was scolded and then was teased. There are hundreds more. I'm sure you have them too. Sometimes it's just that perfect feeling that you can't explain. But I've noticed something with memories, with time some of them tend to fade away. Sometimes when I think about my friend Joy who passed away. I catch my self replaying the same memories trying to cling on to all of it. All of her. I know I had lots of time spent with Joy, but I cant remember it all. I cant remember all the inside jokes. All the laughs shared. All the times she hugged me. To tell the truth, I hate that. I hate that I can't remember everything. Because that's all I will have left of her for my remainder on earth. Carrie wrote a blog post shortly after I was thinking about my memories of Joy. She said "Feelings are for feeling and memories are for making, and it’s okay that some of them fade away. I think it’s enough if we’re able to feel what we feel when we’re feeling it-- recognizing its form and beauty and transience-- then let it go and know that another feeling will come along. It’s enough if we live a moment with no strings attached-- trusting that the memory will be what it’s supposed to be and that the temporary nature of this moment is not a bad thing." Sometimes it's good to get another persons perspective. It's okay that some of the memories fade away. Just because I can't remember every little detail or memory doesn't mean that the details didn't create a bond between you and the person or persons who shared in the moment. It doesn't mean that my life wasn't impacted by that moment. So I will be thankful for the memories I do have. Thankful for the relationships even more. Feel nostalgia for things past but look hopefully towards the moments and feelings that I know are in the future. And most importantly I will be thankful for "now." I will make the most of "now" being content and thankful for this moment.